The Value of a Godly Father

The Value of a Godly Father
By Elizabeth D. Rios, MA
[Originally published in Tristate Voice, June 2003]

A godly father can have such a significant influence on his children—and, as a result, the next generation— yet tragically, the father that faithfully stands by his wife and children is becoming more of an rarity. Sadly, I know, my own dad walked away from me at 2 years old. I had a dad but not a Godly father.

Twenty-four million children live in homes without their biological fathers. That means that tonight one out of every three children will go to bed in a home in which his or her father does not live. It has been documented that children who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely to suffer from child abuse, poverty, low academic achievement, drug use, emotional and behavioral problems and suicide.

How did we get here? The fatherhood crisis began with the physical disappearance of fathers from families. Two major demographic trends that contribute to the rise of father absence is the increase of divorce and unwed childbearing. Throughout history, men have been torn from their families by war, disease, and death. But in this millennium in America, men are choosing to disconnect from family life on a massive scale. Consequently, we are in danger of becoming a fatherless society.

The decline of fatherhood is tragic and profound, but it does not have to be permanent or irreversible. Every pastor can help by making sure they have good men’s leaders putting together relevant men’s programs tackling the real issues in society. There are enough social events going on in many men’s programs. Here are a few tips on developing a relevant men’s programming agenda:

• Help men become Godly men. Although the first step may seem obvious, it needs to be said. Before men can become the fathers God has called them to be, they must become the men that He has called them to be. This comes from a personal relationship with Him and the only way to the Father is through His son, Jesus Christ.

• Help men learn to love their children’s mother. It is important for men to love their children, but even more so to love their mother. A child who knows that daddy loves mami and is true to her will be far more stable and have greater emotional health than one who is torn by the opposite situation. This can be extremely difficult in divorced families. For divorced fathers, never ever let your children hear or see you dishonor their mother in any way. We need men today who love their families by showing loyalty in every way to the women they have chosen as their life companions.

• Help men learn how to show love to their children. We all want to be loved and there is a tremendous security in knowing that we are. But there is a common misconception today that a father is not capable of loving his children or at least not as much as a mother can. This is ludicrous. I know a few fathers out there who not only left their jobs to be the primary caretaker but look forward to showering their children with love as much as possible.

• Help men to pray and trust God for their children. There are only so many things a father can do for his children. Help men to trust in God to provide that which they cannot. Help them to never underestimate the power of prayer.

In June, we celebrate Father’s day and every man who has a child is remembered. That’s nice, I guess. However, a bumper sticker I saw once said, “any man can be daddy, but it takes a special man to be a father.” This month, let us celebrate the special men who have not walked away from their kids. Let’s continue to pray for God to work in the churches of this country that build up our men. Godly fathers do not need to remain a rarity.

Every woman has a purpose, that means you!

Every woman has a purpose, that means you!
By Rev. Elizabeth D. Rios, MA
[Originally published in the Tristate Voice (NY), March 2003]

God has called you; He has anointed you. Now “deal with it.” In other words, He has done His part; now you go and do yours. I believe as women, we struggle with the call of God over our lives for various reasons but mostly because for too long churches have fostered judgmental attitudes toward women who preach, lead or work outside the home. Isn't it time we allowed God's women to fulfill their destinies—whatever that may be for them?

Women, especially mothers, are constantly on the firing line for their choices. Women today are not reared to be only mothers, as they were decades ago. Many go to college, seminary, graduate school, develop careers and use their talents to serve God in ways other than, or in addition to, caring for children. This does not diminish the role of mother nor devalue it. It's not easy, to be sure. Being a leader and working outside the home while mothering takes a lot of creativity, planning, prayer and good support systems.

However, no one and nothing can keep you from fulfilling the call of God on your life-except you. Although God may define your calling with a different title than you perhaps anticipated, if you look closely, it will still be your calling.

All too often, potentially influential Christian women are hindered in their God-ordained callings by their own responses to other peoples’ perceptions of what women should and shouldn’t do. Some may feel hindered by their seasons of life (too young, too old, I’m a mother, I’m divorced) and others by role definitions. Women do go through seasons in life when they may not be as active in external ministry while they focus on internal ministry in the home. We all need to acknowledge that there are preparation periods for all leaders when they are not seen by the public as “doing much” but God is always at work whether a woman decides to stay home with her children, focus on education with limited ministry obligations or is taking the time to nurture her spirit in extended quiet time with Lord. If you find yourself in a “waiting season” don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about not being active. However, in whatever season you find yourself in, when God speaks to you to go forth, none of the above should hinder you from fulfilling the call!

One key hindrance of going forward in our call at times is other women! A significant study done by Dr. Maria Perez y Gonzalez in 1993 revealed that women are other women in ministry’s greatest obstacles. Many women have brought into the patriarchal system and are more comfortable taking spiritual guidance from male pastors because of traditionally held beliefs that men have a greater spiritual relationship with God.

Another hinderance is the fear of being labeled a feminist. I am not a feminist in the secular perspective. I consider myself to be what is called an egalitarian as opposed to a complementarian. Egalitarians hold to the view that women should be able to do whatever men do in ministry, while complementarians see the role of women as different — that is, complementary to that of men. Other terms used to describe the position of women as equal partners in ministry are equalitarian or evangelical, Chrisitan or biblical feminist. In that regard, I would call myself a biblical feminist. Why are so many women afraid of being called feminist? Perhaps because of lack of education on the subject. Historically the basic aims of the women’s movement have been that women be accepted as equal members of society and be free to become full persons. A formal definition of feminism from Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary terms it “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes,” with a secondary meaning being “organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interest.” Secular feminism can take many forms and integrate various philosophies that don’t match our theology. Persons who consider themselves to be biblical feminists make an important break with the secular approach, it centers around the equal opportunity to serve as opposed to secular feminism’s gaining equal rights.

Gretchen Gaebelein Hull explains the differences this way: “secular feminists say “I want equal rights. I want to be able to compete on an equal basis with men.” The biblical feminist says: “I want to be free to be the person God created me to be and to have the privilege of following Christ as He calls me to do.” Hull goes on to say that “feminism (or any other ism) without Christ is just another power struggle”. Biblical feminists want to explore their conviction about equality of women in a biblical way and implement their findings according to biblical guidelines.
Biblical feminists advocate for partnership not competition, mutual submission and not domination by one sex or the other, the priesthood of all believers and not a male hierarchy. In conservative Christian circles feminism has become the scapegoat for many societal ills. Feminism has become the false target upon which to blame all problem areas in human relationships. Blaming feminism for all societal ills is simplistic, unfair, and unscriptural. It also places women in a no-win situation. The true enemy of a just society is not feminism or chauvinism, but us—men and women as the two components of a fallen humanity (I really could go on and on about this but this is not my dissertation).

Can believing women permit persons, or institutions to limit and stifle their witness for Christ, who first chose a woman to proclaim the greatest message of Christianity, that He is risen? (Jn. 20:17) Are Christian women to be silent in God's work today when so many women in the Bible were His messengers? Can believing women afford to bow to discrimination in the church world, while their equality in the secular world is a fact of life?

I dare say, as well, that I believe some women use Paul's words (1 Co. 14:34, 1 Ti. 2:12) as an excuse for their own lack of courage to become fully involved in proclaiming Christ. Be the woman who Jesus has anointed you to be, and do what He has called you to do. And if you lack courage to do that, do not shoot another sister down who has accepted what God told her to do! Be an encourager! Not a discourager! There is enough in this fallen world that keeps a sister down!
If you do have the courage to go forward, His timing and placement have been with much forethought and planning. Graciously respond to His placement and His plan. This is clearly a day when God is calling openly and specifically to many women and it’s not as a second choice! He desires to empower us with His anointing to help heal a hurting world. Every woman has a purpose, that means you!

My Gonna’s Keep Me Going

My Gonna’s Keep Me Going
By Rev. Elizabeth D. Rios
[Originally published in the Trestate Voice, 2003]

Many times in our life brokenness, hurt and the plain old ugly truth about humanity make us want to quit the Christian race, sit by sidelines and watch things happen while God makes things happen through other people. We are tempted to give up constantly—“they said this about me and they don’t deserve my help,” “he broke my heart,” “Christians are worse than unsaved folks, just look at the way they treat there own!,” “where was God when I needed him to heal my child!” These and more are all “I deserve to be mad at God and therefore never serve again” reasons.

Giving up seems like the best alternative most of the time. I am sure all of us have our own laundry list of why we should stop serving the Lord and why we should cease to give our gifts away in a church or ministry. But giving up is not an option for the Christian. “Whoever does not persevere and carry his own cross and come after (follow) Me cannot be My disciple” (Luke 14:27). “Be steadfast and persevere in it” (1 Peter 5:12b). We cannot, shall not, quit.

Bad things happen to everybody some time in life and it leaves people without faith or hope for the future. Robert Schuller once said “never believe in your hurts, believe in your dreams”. I am encouraging you today to believe in your dreams. We all have gonna’s in our life that we still have to attempt to reach. We all have that tugging in our hearts about a step we need to take to get us closer to the dream God shared with us about us.

In my life, when others hurt me and ran me over a few times with their words or just plain misunderstood me, what kept me going in addition to God’s grace and favor was the gonna’s He gave me. Yes, my gonna’s kept me going. When God told me “your child is gonna survive,” that gonna kept me going through two years of hospital ups and downs. When God told me “I’m gonna get you through this trial,” that gonna kept me walking the road when I had no one by my side. When God said to me, “I’m gonna make a way for you to get that scholarship,” that gonna helped me apply to school not knowing where the money would come from. When God said, “your denomination may not validate you but I am gonna validate you,” it helped me put aside confusion and hurt to realize all things at His time. And, finally, when God said to me “I am gonna use you as an instrument to reach people you never thought you could or would reach,” that gonna keeps me going today!

Sister, brother, I do not claim to have it all together. But God isn’t finished with me yet! As the saying goes, I am not what I used to be but I’m not what I’m gonna be! Neither are you. What are your God-given “gonna’s”. Are you believing more in your hurts or are you believing your gonna’s? I know you have a gonna or or two…ask the Holy Spirit to remind you of them. Remember God gave you “gonna’s” to keep you going. My gonna’s keep me going, do you have a gonna keeping you?